FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
