Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
