His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
