New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
