Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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