My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am in a vortex of obligation.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
