Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
