I faked an abortion last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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