I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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