I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
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I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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