smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
