is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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