Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
