never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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