gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
