I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize