I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just high enough for therapy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
