god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
