Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
