We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
