U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she woke up with a sticky ear
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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