I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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