i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
