i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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