He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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