I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
