Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
