jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
