Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
