we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
