How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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