got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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