the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
