We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
