Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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