someone threw a dead crab at me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
