So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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