Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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