as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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