walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Randomize
