The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
