so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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