you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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