I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
