I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All the doctor said was why
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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