if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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