this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
