my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
