So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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