We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
