i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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