Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sober January is a disaster.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
