She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
