he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
