so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
