5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
