soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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