You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
