Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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