my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
