addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
