I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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