I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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