sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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