Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
