all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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