Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
